My Girlfriend Angels

Girlfriends are great. They are angels among us.

I’ve always valued my girlfriends, but on this grief journey I quite simply could not have done without them. Many people have helped me along the way — friends, family, even people I didn’t know. But the women, the girlfriends, they deserve special notice.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t start with my daughters, my very best girlfriends, two women who have stood like sentinels on either side of me. I’ll never forget how they tucked me in on a cot next to Mike in the hospital so I could have those last few hours with him before he passed. How they held me up as we processed out of the funeral Mass. They have provided support, laughter, tears and so much love every single day, shouldering me, all the while dealing with the grief of losing their dad as well. I am so very proud of them.

Then there are the girlfriends, a vast array of them, all so unique and all having provided loving support in many different ways. They’ve been my rock, my support, even my happy place in spite of having had their share of grief and loss. Perhaps that’s why their tender loving care has meant so much.

Like Nancy who helped me rearrange some of Mike’s clothing and will always be my closest and dearest friend. She has had her share of challenges and loss. A bitter divorce left her nearly penniless but she went on to do a stellar job of raising three kids. Then she found the love of her life, only to have him snatched from her by a sudden heart attack. Her frequent calls ( we call them wine chats) and visits (a three hour drive) leave me feeling calm and relaxed but also stronger and more resilient.

Bonnie is another dear friend who knows grief. Her husband died suddenly from a fall at work. For eight years after that we shared a monthly meal. I literally witnessed her grief process. Now she offers tender words of concern and a plethora of books on grieving. Her husband and Mike were best of friends, so we share pleasant memories, too.

There’s Rose, a talented artist who has given me treasured gifts and cards, using her creativity to show her support. She, too, knows deep loss, having dealt with the death of an adult son several years ago.

Marie is a new but loyal friend who has also dealt with the loss of a spouse. But she’s also schooled in the healing arts. One day she showed up at my house with her sound therapy bowls, and for a luxurious hour I enjoyed a session of relaxation and peace.

Another “widow sojourner” is Judy who I recently reconnected with after more than 20 years of being apart. Her husband died quite a few years ago, leaving her to raise three sons. She is a strong woman and is thoroughly enjoying her retirement writing romance novels. She even asked me to review one. Even though she’s far away in Michigan, she’s just a phone call, text or an email away.

All of these women have experienced profound loss and grief. They know what it’s like to lose someone you love. But they have also taught me so much. They have modeled stability and permanence and shown me examples of how life can go on in meaningful ways. Without saying so, they remind me that I’ll be okay. In fact, none of them have offered much in the way of advice. They’ve just given of their time, love and support. That’s the value of these girlfriends — their acknowledgement of what I’m going through. They know I don’t need advice. I just need to be heard and understood. They will cry with me or they will laugh with me. They will affirm what I’m going through because they know. They are pillars of strength.

Along with them there are a host of other “angels” who regularly wrap their loving wings around me in all sorts of delightful ways. There’s Mary who calls for a brief chat and an update on her current activities like her recipe for no-knead bread. The card she gave me for my birthday hit the mark.

They provide support and are close to your heart.

Jane sends me her beautiful handmade cards and makes time for regular phone chats. Longtime friends Sharon and Mary Pat traveled from opposite ends of the state for Mike’s funeral and continue to insist we have lunch on a regular basis. Annette, a dear friend and former colleague, checks in regularly and recently convinced me to give her granddaughter piano lessons. Lisa, whom I’m just getting to know, is fast becoming a walking partner.

I really have no other way to describe all these women other than they are angels. Call it serendipity or divine intervention, but they have been placed in my life for a reason. I’ve read that grief can change friendships, even break them apart. But all these gals — well, they are rock solid. I just hope I can reciprocate with love and support in their time of need. Because I fully realize that life is fleeting. Case in point: Linda was a longtime friend who had sent me a beautiful art book when Mike died. It was titled “The Grieving Heart.” She didn’t sign it, suggesting instead that I send it on to someone else who would be dealing with the loss of a loved on. Little did I know that just a few weeks later I would be sending it to her son because, after an abrupt and fast illness, Linda had passed away.

Grief and loss have left holes in my heart that will never be filled. My girlfriends know that but they’re also showing me how to build a new life around those empty spaces. They are helping me piece back together my life, not replacing the holes left by loss, just adding to the fabric of my life. They’ve shown me how I can eventually grow beyond grief. Sort of like the rose opening up in Bonnie’s garden or Nancy deciding what country she will travel to next.

All of these dear, dear friends have helped me heal and given me courage and strength, knowing there is a brighter tomorrow.

I miss Mike so much, but I also know he would be happy to see me surrounded by my girlfriends. He enjoyed their company and never felt slighted when I went off with them on a trip.

Thank you, dear husband, for that encouragement and support because now, with my girlfriends by my side I venture down new paths. They’ll be there for the walk around the block or maybe even a trek around the world.

On this Easter Sunday, yet another one of those “firsts” without Mike, I’m lost without him but I smile in recognition that I’m surrounded by my angel girlfriends.

Good friends are like stars. You don’t always see them but you know they’re always there.

Thank you girlfriends.